As you probably can guess, I went to the nutritionist today! Yes, I still love her. And I'm learning a lot every time I go. I think this the third time I've seen. Maybe 4th. But I think 3rd. Anyway, it went really well.
****Disclaimer: 1) I'm going to talk about "lady stuff" for bit and 2) I'm going to express my personal opinion about "weight loss" surgeries. This is just my personal opinion. If you are easily offended I am warning you now so you can close this page and read no further.*****
The first thing she usually asks me is how I have been doing as far as my eating goes. So I told her that last week was terrible for me. Not only was it Thanksgiving but I also had my period (told you, TMI. Not too late to turn back now.) She was really understanding of the crazy hormone surge and of the fact that it was Thanksgiving and pretty much the week was a wash. I didn't go to the gym either because well, I had my period and just didn't feel like it. Simple as. But like she says, I just need to dust myself off and move on. I can't beat myself up when I eat something I'm not (I don't want to say fail because I haven't failed.). Because when I start to feel guilty I want to eat more. See the cycle here? So I'm learning to pick myself up by the boot straps and move on when I "splurge" on something I shouldn't or more often than I should.
I'm sure I mentioned this in a previous post but she has written a book about managing PCOS with diet and exercise. So when I have an appointment and I'm waiting in the waiting room I read her book. Today I read something that totally set me free. It was so simple that you might think it's ridiculous but for me it has changed my whole look. In this particular paragraph (more like a sub paragraph) she was talking about how women with PCOS tend to express concerns with feeling like they're addicted to carbs like white bread and pasta and also just feeling like the struggle with weight and body image more than the average person. And women with PCOS also tend to suffer from depression. Not always but some do because of dealing with this syndrome that not many doctors even understand and its hard to find help and support and because of things like excess body hair and facial hair (which thank the LORD I do not suffer from), lack of energy, body image issues, etc. Now, I know what you're thinking "THIS changed your life?!!" Yes it did. It set me free from the guilt and sense of feeling alone in this. There other women out there who feel the same way and also I have PCOS. I'm not lazy or undisciplined or whatever the other "fat people" stereotypes are out there. Not don't get me wrong, I'm overweight for a reason but having PCOS is a huge factor. I wish I could explain all the scientific factors and the science of insulin resistance, but I can't. You can buy her book ( Hillary Wright - The PCOS Diet Plan ). All I know is reading this today I felt so much lighter in spirit. Simple yet profound.
I didn't tell her any of this because we always have so much to cover that I just really didn't have time. But we talked about what I've learned and how I'm changing the way I eat and how I'm getting more active. I am active more often than not. In other words, I go to the gym or do the Wii Fit about 4 times a week so I'm exercising more days a week than I'm not. I'm eating my veggies which I don't always enjoy but I'm doing my best. And I eat A LOT of them. I will soon look like a broccoli. Any day now. We talked about how I feel so much better when I'm eating healthy. I told her how when I used to eat crap all the time and I was bloated pretty much all the time, to me, that was the norm. Now, even if I'm slightly bloated I feel awful! Which is good because it makes me want to eat healthy. I hate feeling bloating and gross when I eat a cookie or a donut (Dunkin Donuts *drool*) , or too much pasta, but that gross feeling is my body saying "hey, you're not supposed to eat that". I'm doing better with that and being mindful of what I eat and really thinking "If I eat this, how is it going to make me feel?" instead of just being a mindless eating machine. Be mindful of what you eat. Think twice. You'll be surprised. And plan ahead so you can be successful.
She was really proud of me and my progress. (I almost cried when she said she was proud of me, saddo, I know.) And I just said I'm far from perfect, I still have bad days, and bad weeks, but I'm learning not to stay in that rut. I'm changing my behaviors and my life style. I'm learning to cook for two people, not an army. Craig and I are both eating less. And I'm not where I was a year a go. This is a journey. Not only do I need to lose weight but I need to manage my PCOS, None of this happens over night. I need to change the way I think. She talked to me about Pavlov's Dog Theory and obviously I'm not a dog, but the same principle applies. We have learned behaviors that we need to unlearn. It takes more time to unlearn them than it does to learn them. Our eating habits are learned behaviors.
I know I'm rambling a bit but I always feel so empowered and encouraged when I see her. But bare with me.
Something else that she said to me was "You seemed very intimidated the first time you came here, now you seem empowered." She hit the nail on the head. I was sick of people (doctors) telling me I was over weight and I needed to lose weight but would never offer any solution or support. I feel like I have that now. I don't feel lost. I don't feel hopeless. (****This is the part I talk about surgery. Last chance to turn away.***) Surgery is not an option for me. For a few reasons but I especially feel like I wouldn't LEARN how to be healthy. Eating whatever you want and throwing it up after, thereby losing weight, is not healthy. Not being able to eat a lot or not being able to eat certain things without consequences is not learning to me. I want to learn how to eat and be healthy, not just for me but so I can show my kids how to be and eat healthy. I don't want to show them that it's OK to eat what you want and be overweight because there's a surgery for that. And I don't want them to ever go through life overweight like I have. It took me a long time but I finally feel like I can do this. And I think anyone can do this with support.
I know this was a long post and I was all over the place but I still hope that it made sense and you got something out of it.
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