........the not so tough EAT CAKE! I feel like that's all I've done this week. The meds I'm on at the minute make me have a loss of appetite but when I do eat, I choose to eat utter crap. It's not just the feeling ill part, its the feeling ill and feeling a little depressed. I can't really do much, my meds make me feel light headed, so I can't go outside. When I do go out I have to have Craig with me so I can lean on him and even then it's slow going. I'm not used to going slow. I need to be busy. I'm not used to being still. And now its a beautiful day outside, and I would love to go for even a walk, but I'm stuck.
I can feel my face getting fatter by the second. I'm doing my best not to be discouraged because I know I will feel better soon and I'll be right back to it, and even more determined than before but at this very moment in time I don't feel that way. I had a piece of cake for breakfast instead of my usual Atkins shake, which I actually enjoy. I don't feel guilty, which I probably should, but I don't. I will when I'm back on the wagon I'm sure.
I wish I had more encouraging things to say. I want to be honest and I feel like if I write when I'm in a good mood and having a good day then it's not me being honest. I know this will pass and tomorrow will be a new day, but this road is filled with speed bumps and pot holes, and right now I'm in a pot hole.
I do have motivation behind wanting to lose weight, which I can't share at the minute but I will in the near future, and that's what is helping me keep on track (obviously not this week). I think everyone needs some kind of motivation, even if its just to feel healthy, or have more energy. But because of my motivation, I HAVE to get right back on track and SOON.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Weight Loss Journey: Emotional Eating
It's funny how I justify "emotional eating". It's like all of a sudden I can eat what I like because I'm having a bad day. I got some really bad news this week, so automatically I go into pity party mode and have Chinese food and ice cream. I don't really feel guilty about it today to be honest, but I know it still doesn't justify the "emotional eating". I think this is the first time I've done this since I started on this journey. It made me realize that I do look to food for comfort which was a revelation to me. But we can only learn from our mistakes and move forward. After all, this is a journey, I don't have all the answers, I'm learning as I go. Learning about myself, my weaknesses and my strengths, learning how to deal with things as they come and learning to not rely on food. It may take me years, which I am fully expecting, but I'm in this for the long haul and I won't give up. Even if that means two steps forward and one step back every now and again until its forward all the way.
Please don't ever be discouraged. I think we all think we should be perfect the first time we try something and that's simply not the case, especially with weight loss. The key is to pick ourselves up by the boot straps when we fall and keep going. Don't let one minor defeat define you as a failure. Don't get me wrong, a series of defeats can set you back a long way so we should all strive to not only do the best we can but to work hard til it hurts. And then hopefully, the defeats become less and less and we will live in victory on a daily basis.
Please don't ever be discouraged. I think we all think we should be perfect the first time we try something and that's simply not the case, especially with weight loss. The key is to pick ourselves up by the boot straps when we fall and keep going. Don't let one minor defeat define you as a failure. Don't get me wrong, a series of defeats can set you back a long way so we should all strive to not only do the best we can but to work hard til it hurts. And then hopefully, the defeats become less and less and we will live in victory on a daily basis.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Weight Loss Journey
I'm not sure where to start but I guess it would be the beginning and for me that is really at the beginning, like when I was 4 or 5, which is 28-29 years ago. I was very aware of the fact that I was overweight but I don't think I really understood what it meant as far as my health but only that I was different from my friends. I also really hated buying clothes, even at that young age. And I was teased A LOT at school. But I never thought about losing weight, I don't think I understand that concept, I guess I just figured that was how it was, I was fat.
Even though I was always active, even in high school, the weight just seemed to stick with me.
So, fast forward to present day. Overweight my whole life, self esteem not exactly in tact, PCOS, tumor on my pituitary gland, feeling like I will NEVER lose weight. I had tried diets, but never stuck with them, usually because I would get so discouraged with lack of result, or I had no support and encouragement.
When I met Craig, my husband, we kinda shared the same struggle. I definitely would not class him as "fat" but he also struggled with his weight from a young age, 12-13. He had lost approximately 70 lbs. but gained most of it back by the time I first went to England and met him. I didn't think he was fat, but he felt fat.
When Craig and I decided that he would move here and we wanted to get married we also decided that we would have an active lifestyle and lose weight, and more importantly, be healthy. We both really enjoy being outside and being active so it wasn't a difficult thing to do, the difficult thing was to watch what we eat. Our biggest problem is food. For him it's sweets, chocolate and what not; for me it's food in general, burgers, fries, pizza, cake....pretty much everything. I was never a binge eater or anything like, I just liked to eat and I liked food. But with having PCOS (Poly cystic ovary syndrome)and a pituitary lesion or tumor , that is a very dangerous road. (You can google that condition for more information about it.)
So, here we are, April 2011 and so far we have both lost 30 pounds. We have been doing a low carb diet since the middle of February and we've been exercising, mostly I do the Wii Fit and run/walk. Craig runs a lot, and we both play tennis and soon we will be bike riding.
These past two months have really been an emotional roller coaster. One's weight naturally fluctuates approx. 2lbs a day so that is frustrating when the Wii Fit tells you to weigh yourself everyday. So we've both had to try and not weigh ourselves obsessively. It's really difficult. On the one hand I like weighing myself everyday because I feel more accountable and on the other, because of natural weight fluctuations, my whole day can be ruined. I do my best to stick to weighing in 2 or 3 times a week.
Another issue all together is trying not to "cheat" or have any kind of treat, which is impossible. We didn't have any kind of treat for the first 4 weeks, which was really hard, and now we have a treat almost every weekend. In my opinion, we need that little break just for our sanity because I feel like without a treat we will binge, but at the same time when we have a treat on a Sunday and weigh ourselves on a Monday, it can be quite discouraging, even if there's only a .2 weight gain. That's when I institute the rule of not weighing myself until at least 2 days after my treat day :)
This past weekend was Easter and we really went off the wagon. We basically made ourselves sick. But I always try to remember that its a new day now. I can't change what I did this weekend but I can go forward. I've lost 30 lbs., I feel great and I am going forward. That's what I TRY and tell myself.
In the past two months I feel much better about myself. I'm definitely more confident, I've decided on what I want to do with the rest of my life (more to come about that at a later date) and I feel like Craig and I are have a common goal that we're both reaching for and that has only brought us closer.
Everyday is a new day and new struggle. No one ever said it would be easy but it's definitely worth it. I have about 80 more pounds to lose, which seemed overwhelming at first, especially when I was staring down a 120 pound weight loss, but now that I'm down 30 lbs., it seems attainable.
Thanks for reading my first blog post. I'm going to try and keep up with it. Your comments are welcome.
Even though I was always active, even in high school, the weight just seemed to stick with me.
So, fast forward to present day. Overweight my whole life, self esteem not exactly in tact, PCOS, tumor on my pituitary gland, feeling like I will NEVER lose weight. I had tried diets, but never stuck with them, usually because I would get so discouraged with lack of result, or I had no support and encouragement.
When I met Craig, my husband, we kinda shared the same struggle. I definitely would not class him as "fat" but he also struggled with his weight from a young age, 12-13. He had lost approximately 70 lbs. but gained most of it back by the time I first went to England and met him. I didn't think he was fat, but he felt fat.
When Craig and I decided that he would move here and we wanted to get married we also decided that we would have an active lifestyle and lose weight, and more importantly, be healthy. We both really enjoy being outside and being active so it wasn't a difficult thing to do, the difficult thing was to watch what we eat. Our biggest problem is food. For him it's sweets, chocolate and what not; for me it's food in general, burgers, fries, pizza, cake....pretty much everything. I was never a binge eater or anything like, I just liked to eat and I liked food. But with having PCOS (Poly cystic ovary syndrome)and a pituitary lesion or tumor , that is a very dangerous road. (You can google that condition for more information about it.)
So, here we are, April 2011 and so far we have both lost 30 pounds. We have been doing a low carb diet since the middle of February and we've been exercising, mostly I do the Wii Fit and run/walk. Craig runs a lot, and we both play tennis and soon we will be bike riding.
These past two months have really been an emotional roller coaster. One's weight naturally fluctuates approx. 2lbs a day so that is frustrating when the Wii Fit tells you to weigh yourself everyday. So we've both had to try and not weigh ourselves obsessively. It's really difficult. On the one hand I like weighing myself everyday because I feel more accountable and on the other, because of natural weight fluctuations, my whole day can be ruined. I do my best to stick to weighing in 2 or 3 times a week.
Another issue all together is trying not to "cheat" or have any kind of treat, which is impossible. We didn't have any kind of treat for the first 4 weeks, which was really hard, and now we have a treat almost every weekend. In my opinion, we need that little break just for our sanity because I feel like without a treat we will binge, but at the same time when we have a treat on a Sunday and weigh ourselves on a Monday, it can be quite discouraging, even if there's only a .2 weight gain. That's when I institute the rule of not weighing myself until at least 2 days after my treat day :)
This past weekend was Easter and we really went off the wagon. We basically made ourselves sick. But I always try to remember that its a new day now. I can't change what I did this weekend but I can go forward. I've lost 30 lbs., I feel great and I am going forward. That's what I TRY and tell myself.
In the past two months I feel much better about myself. I'm definitely more confident, I've decided on what I want to do with the rest of my life (more to come about that at a later date) and I feel like Craig and I are have a common goal that we're both reaching for and that has only brought us closer.
Everyday is a new day and new struggle. No one ever said it would be easy but it's definitely worth it. I have about 80 more pounds to lose, which seemed overwhelming at first, especially when I was staring down a 120 pound weight loss, but now that I'm down 30 lbs., it seems attainable.
Thanks for reading my first blog post. I'm going to try and keep up with it. Your comments are welcome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)