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| Before/After If anyone is keeping track of this blog, I have lost 130LBS! I'm still on my journey but I've made more progress than I could have ever imagined. |
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Monday, February 20, 2012
My Weight Loss Journey: Our Own Worse Enemy
I know its been a while since my last post but I've really been having a hard time with eating well and exercising and I've been feeling down so I haven't had much to say. I think I have a serious case of the winter time blues.
I went on vacation in December and I feel like ever since then it has been an up hill battle. My husband is from the UK so we went to see his family for the holidays. I was seriously addicted to co-op sausages and I probably ate them everyday for two weeks. And of course when I got home it was really hard to get back on the wagon. It's now the end of February and I'm just starting to eat better on a more consistent basis. I went to the nutritionist 2 weeks ago and as always I was very honest and told her exactly how I felt and how I was my eating was terrible. As always, she was very supportive. I explained to her how I was addicted to sausages and had a hard time getting back into the swing of things when I got home, but the whole time I was in England I never gave up on my fruits and vegetables. She was happy to hear that and she thought it was good news. Obviously eating fatty foods and the wrong kind of carbs is a no-no but at least I still had the good antibodies from the fruits and veggies.
We are our own worst enemy. What happens when you "fall off the wagon" of healthy eating?? You feel bad about yourself, you feel like a failure and you eat! Yah, that's really going to help. I need to keep telling myself that yes, I am going to fall off the wagon, I am going to have a bad weekend, a bad week, or a bad month, but I need to dust myself off and pick up where I started and move forward. I have to remind myself of that constantly. Then eventually the bad month turns into a bad week now and again, then a bad day now and again and then hopefully, eventually, all I will need to over come is a weak moment. (I need to remember, its OK to have a splurge day now and again, but its not OK for it to be a daily habit.)
Today has been a good day. I hope I can continue on this trend.
I went on vacation in December and I feel like ever since then it has been an up hill battle. My husband is from the UK so we went to see his family for the holidays. I was seriously addicted to co-op sausages and I probably ate them everyday for two weeks. And of course when I got home it was really hard to get back on the wagon. It's now the end of February and I'm just starting to eat better on a more consistent basis. I went to the nutritionist 2 weeks ago and as always I was very honest and told her exactly how I felt and how I was my eating was terrible. As always, she was very supportive. I explained to her how I was addicted to sausages and had a hard time getting back into the swing of things when I got home, but the whole time I was in England I never gave up on my fruits and vegetables. She was happy to hear that and she thought it was good news. Obviously eating fatty foods and the wrong kind of carbs is a no-no but at least I still had the good antibodies from the fruits and veggies.
We are our own worst enemy. What happens when you "fall off the wagon" of healthy eating?? You feel bad about yourself, you feel like a failure and you eat! Yah, that's really going to help. I need to keep telling myself that yes, I am going to fall off the wagon, I am going to have a bad weekend, a bad week, or a bad month, but I need to dust myself off and pick up where I started and move forward. I have to remind myself of that constantly. Then eventually the bad month turns into a bad week now and again, then a bad day now and again and then hopefully, eventually, all I will need to over come is a weak moment. (I need to remember, its OK to have a splurge day now and again, but its not OK for it to be a daily habit.)
Today has been a good day. I hope I can continue on this trend.
Friday, December 2, 2011
My Weight Loss Journey: Being Mindful
As you probably can guess, I went to the nutritionist today! Yes, I still love her. And I'm learning a lot every time I go. I think this the third time I've seen. Maybe 4th. But I think 3rd. Anyway, it went really well.
****Disclaimer: 1) I'm going to talk about "lady stuff" for bit and 2) I'm going to express my personal opinion about "weight loss" surgeries. This is just my personal opinion. If you are easily offended I am warning you now so you can close this page and read no further.*****
The first thing she usually asks me is how I have been doing as far as my eating goes. So I told her that last week was terrible for me. Not only was it Thanksgiving but I also had my period (told you, TMI. Not too late to turn back now.) She was really understanding of the crazy hormone surge and of the fact that it was Thanksgiving and pretty much the week was a wash. I didn't go to the gym either because well, I had my period and just didn't feel like it. Simple as. But like she says, I just need to dust myself off and move on. I can't beat myself up when I eat something I'm not (I don't want to say fail because I haven't failed.). Because when I start to feel guilty I want to eat more. See the cycle here? So I'm learning to pick myself up by the boot straps and move on when I "splurge" on something I shouldn't or more often than I should.
I'm sure I mentioned this in a previous post but she has written a book about managing PCOS with diet and exercise. So when I have an appointment and I'm waiting in the waiting room I read her book. Today I read something that totally set me free. It was so simple that you might think it's ridiculous but for me it has changed my whole look. In this particular paragraph (more like a sub paragraph) she was talking about how women with PCOS tend to express concerns with feeling like they're addicted to carbs like white bread and pasta and also just feeling like the struggle with weight and body image more than the average person. And women with PCOS also tend to suffer from depression. Not always but some do because of dealing with this syndrome that not many doctors even understand and its hard to find help and support and because of things like excess body hair and facial hair (which thank the LORD I do not suffer from), lack of energy, body image issues, etc. Now, I know what you're thinking "THIS changed your life?!!" Yes it did. It set me free from the guilt and sense of feeling alone in this. There other women out there who feel the same way and also I have PCOS. I'm not lazy or undisciplined or whatever the other "fat people" stereotypes are out there. Not don't get me wrong, I'm overweight for a reason but having PCOS is a huge factor. I wish I could explain all the scientific factors and the science of insulin resistance, but I can't. You can buy her book ( Hillary Wright - The PCOS Diet Plan ). All I know is reading this today I felt so much lighter in spirit. Simple yet profound.
I didn't tell her any of this because we always have so much to cover that I just really didn't have time. But we talked about what I've learned and how I'm changing the way I eat and how I'm getting more active. I am active more often than not. In other words, I go to the gym or do the Wii Fit about 4 times a week so I'm exercising more days a week than I'm not. I'm eating my veggies which I don't always enjoy but I'm doing my best. And I eat A LOT of them. I will soon look like a broccoli. Any day now. We talked about how I feel so much better when I'm eating healthy. I told her how when I used to eat crap all the time and I was bloated pretty much all the time, to me, that was the norm. Now, even if I'm slightly bloated I feel awful! Which is good because it makes me want to eat healthy. I hate feeling bloating and gross when I eat a cookie or a donut (Dunkin Donuts *drool*) , or too much pasta, but that gross feeling is my body saying "hey, you're not supposed to eat that". I'm doing better with that and being mindful of what I eat and really thinking "If I eat this, how is it going to make me feel?" instead of just being a mindless eating machine. Be mindful of what you eat. Think twice. You'll be surprised. And plan ahead so you can be successful.
She was really proud of me and my progress. (I almost cried when she said she was proud of me, saddo, I know.) And I just said I'm far from perfect, I still have bad days, and bad weeks, but I'm learning not to stay in that rut. I'm changing my behaviors and my life style. I'm learning to cook for two people, not an army. Craig and I are both eating less. And I'm not where I was a year a go. This is a journey. Not only do I need to lose weight but I need to manage my PCOS, None of this happens over night. I need to change the way I think. She talked to me about Pavlov's Dog Theory and obviously I'm not a dog, but the same principle applies. We have learned behaviors that we need to unlearn. It takes more time to unlearn them than it does to learn them. Our eating habits are learned behaviors.
I know I'm rambling a bit but I always feel so empowered and encouraged when I see her. But bare with me.
Something else that she said to me was "You seemed very intimidated the first time you came here, now you seem empowered." She hit the nail on the head. I was sick of people (doctors) telling me I was over weight and I needed to lose weight but would never offer any solution or support. I feel like I have that now. I don't feel lost. I don't feel hopeless. (****This is the part I talk about surgery. Last chance to turn away.***) Surgery is not an option for me. For a few reasons but I especially feel like I wouldn't LEARN how to be healthy. Eating whatever you want and throwing it up after, thereby losing weight, is not healthy. Not being able to eat a lot or not being able to eat certain things without consequences is not learning to me. I want to learn how to eat and be healthy, not just for me but so I can show my kids how to be and eat healthy. I don't want to show them that it's OK to eat what you want and be overweight because there's a surgery for that. And I don't want them to ever go through life overweight like I have. It took me a long time but I finally feel like I can do this. And I think anyone can do this with support.
I know this was a long post and I was all over the place but I still hope that it made sense and you got something out of it.
****Disclaimer: 1) I'm going to talk about "lady stuff" for bit and 2) I'm going to express my personal opinion about "weight loss" surgeries. This is just my personal opinion. If you are easily offended I am warning you now so you can close this page and read no further.*****
The first thing she usually asks me is how I have been doing as far as my eating goes. So I told her that last week was terrible for me. Not only was it Thanksgiving but I also had my period (told you, TMI. Not too late to turn back now.) She was really understanding of the crazy hormone surge and of the fact that it was Thanksgiving and pretty much the week was a wash. I didn't go to the gym either because well, I had my period and just didn't feel like it. Simple as. But like she says, I just need to dust myself off and move on. I can't beat myself up when I eat something I'm not (I don't want to say fail because I haven't failed.). Because when I start to feel guilty I want to eat more. See the cycle here? So I'm learning to pick myself up by the boot straps and move on when I "splurge" on something I shouldn't or more often than I should.
I'm sure I mentioned this in a previous post but she has written a book about managing PCOS with diet and exercise. So when I have an appointment and I'm waiting in the waiting room I read her book. Today I read something that totally set me free. It was so simple that you might think it's ridiculous but for me it has changed my whole look. In this particular paragraph (more like a sub paragraph) she was talking about how women with PCOS tend to express concerns with feeling like they're addicted to carbs like white bread and pasta and also just feeling like the struggle with weight and body image more than the average person. And women with PCOS also tend to suffer from depression. Not always but some do because of dealing with this syndrome that not many doctors even understand and its hard to find help and support and because of things like excess body hair and facial hair (which thank the LORD I do not suffer from), lack of energy, body image issues, etc. Now, I know what you're thinking "THIS changed your life?!!" Yes it did. It set me free from the guilt and sense of feeling alone in this. There other women out there who feel the same way and also I have PCOS. I'm not lazy or undisciplined or whatever the other "fat people" stereotypes are out there. Not don't get me wrong, I'm overweight for a reason but having PCOS is a huge factor. I wish I could explain all the scientific factors and the science of insulin resistance, but I can't. You can buy her book ( Hillary Wright - The PCOS Diet Plan ). All I know is reading this today I felt so much lighter in spirit. Simple yet profound.
I didn't tell her any of this because we always have so much to cover that I just really didn't have time. But we talked about what I've learned and how I'm changing the way I eat and how I'm getting more active. I am active more often than not. In other words, I go to the gym or do the Wii Fit about 4 times a week so I'm exercising more days a week than I'm not. I'm eating my veggies which I don't always enjoy but I'm doing my best. And I eat A LOT of them. I will soon look like a broccoli. Any day now. We talked about how I feel so much better when I'm eating healthy. I told her how when I used to eat crap all the time and I was bloated pretty much all the time, to me, that was the norm. Now, even if I'm slightly bloated I feel awful! Which is good because it makes me want to eat healthy. I hate feeling bloating and gross when I eat a cookie or a donut (Dunkin Donuts *drool*) , or too much pasta, but that gross feeling is my body saying "hey, you're not supposed to eat that". I'm doing better with that and being mindful of what I eat and really thinking "If I eat this, how is it going to make me feel?" instead of just being a mindless eating machine. Be mindful of what you eat. Think twice. You'll be surprised. And plan ahead so you can be successful.
She was really proud of me and my progress. (I almost cried when she said she was proud of me, saddo, I know.) And I just said I'm far from perfect, I still have bad days, and bad weeks, but I'm learning not to stay in that rut. I'm changing my behaviors and my life style. I'm learning to cook for two people, not an army. Craig and I are both eating less. And I'm not where I was a year a go. This is a journey. Not only do I need to lose weight but I need to manage my PCOS, None of this happens over night. I need to change the way I think. She talked to me about Pavlov's Dog Theory and obviously I'm not a dog, but the same principle applies. We have learned behaviors that we need to unlearn. It takes more time to unlearn them than it does to learn them. Our eating habits are learned behaviors.
I know I'm rambling a bit but I always feel so empowered and encouraged when I see her. But bare with me.
Something else that she said to me was "You seemed very intimidated the first time you came here, now you seem empowered." She hit the nail on the head. I was sick of people (doctors) telling me I was over weight and I needed to lose weight but would never offer any solution or support. I feel like I have that now. I don't feel lost. I don't feel hopeless. (****This is the part I talk about surgery. Last chance to turn away.***) Surgery is not an option for me. For a few reasons but I especially feel like I wouldn't LEARN how to be healthy. Eating whatever you want and throwing it up after, thereby losing weight, is not healthy. Not being able to eat a lot or not being able to eat certain things without consequences is not learning to me. I want to learn how to eat and be healthy, not just for me but so I can show my kids how to be and eat healthy. I don't want to show them that it's OK to eat what you want and be overweight because there's a surgery for that. And I don't want them to ever go through life overweight like I have. It took me a long time but I finally feel like I can do this. And I think anyone can do this with support.
I know this was a long post and I was all over the place but I still hope that it made sense and you got something out of it.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
My Weight Loss Journey: Laying a Foundation
I saw the nutritionist again last week. I really like her. We talked about what I've been eating, how many times a week I go to the gym, or get some kind of exercise, and we talked about how I feel like this is really hard. My exact words were "I feel like this is so hard for me." Her response? "Because it IS hard." That made me feel better. All in all I felt really good about what we talked about, I always learn a lot when I'm there and I leave feeling empowered. I made another appointment and I think that I will see her for a while.
Craig and I are hoping to start IVF in January. I still have some internal things that need to clear up but as of this moment that's the plan. And the other day I was eating lunch and I starting thinking about trying to eat good and prepare my body for a baby. Not just for me but more so for the health of the baby. I was thinking of a couple of things: 1) How lucky am I that I actually have the chance to prepare my body for the baby? Not many people get that opportunity. It's usually just a surprise and they try to eat well while they're pregnant, or not. But I feel very educated about what the babies need will be and how important it is for me to start eating well now. Especially having PCOS. 2) I'm building the foundations in my body like one would build the foundation of a house. Hopefully my future baby will be living in a mansion!
I have bad days and some times bad weeks, which I spoke to my nutritionist about, and she said that I need to just get up and dust myself off. The more self destructive thing would be to get really down on myself and tell myself that I'm loser, etc. Right now I have more good days than bad days and I'll settle for that. This is something that I will have to struggle with the rest of my life. Not just because of my weight but because I have PCOS. There is no cure. But it can be managed. Just like people take a pill for some illness, my management is eating healthy and exercising. For the rest of my life.
Craig and I are hoping to start IVF in January. I still have some internal things that need to clear up but as of this moment that's the plan. And the other day I was eating lunch and I starting thinking about trying to eat good and prepare my body for a baby. Not just for me but more so for the health of the baby. I was thinking of a couple of things: 1) How lucky am I that I actually have the chance to prepare my body for the baby? Not many people get that opportunity. It's usually just a surprise and they try to eat well while they're pregnant, or not. But I feel very educated about what the babies need will be and how important it is for me to start eating well now. Especially having PCOS. 2) I'm building the foundations in my body like one would build the foundation of a house. Hopefully my future baby will be living in a mansion!
I have bad days and some times bad weeks, which I spoke to my nutritionist about, and she said that I need to just get up and dust myself off. The more self destructive thing would be to get really down on myself and tell myself that I'm loser, etc. Right now I have more good days than bad days and I'll settle for that. This is something that I will have to struggle with the rest of my life. Not just because of my weight but because I have PCOS. There is no cure. But it can be managed. Just like people take a pill for some illness, my management is eating healthy and exercising. For the rest of my life.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
My Weight Loss Journey: Reality & IVF
I know I haven't really updated this blog faithfully but I will try and do better in the future. Sometimes I just don't have anything new to say. Its the same ole same ole struggle. And I'm sure no one really wants to hear the same complaining all the time.
Anyway, I went to a nutritionist the other day. My insurance company required me to do this because my husband and I are going to be starting IVF soon. So because of my BMI they required me to go to a Fetal Maternal Medicine specialist and a Nutritionist. I went to a dietician years ago and it was a complete waste of my time so I really wasn't looking forward to this visit. And I definitely would never have gone on my own.
I was definitely pleasantly surprised. The nutritionist, Dr. Hilary Wright (Domar Center in Waltham), never made me feel bad about myself and never said I shouldn't do this that or the other thing. It was all really positive and informative. I have PCOS, which includes insulin resistance, and she wrote a book about having a healthy diet when you have PCOS. In all the doctors I have ever had, not one of them gave me as much info about PCOS as she did. Especially making sure that I eat properly with this condition.
Everything Dr. Wright said to me made so much sense and really clicked in my head. I've been eating a more balanced diet for the past few days and I feel great. I don't feel deprived and I feel like I have so many more options than if I was on one of these fad diets out there. Of course there are things that I need to stay from, and I need to incorporate exercise (which I already do, about 3x a week) but it's probably one of the easiest things I've ever done as far as "dieting" goes. But really, it's not a diet, its a more healthy way to live and eat for life.
One of the things that she said that really convinced about all of this was when she started talking about preparing a good environment for my future baby. How I eat definitely effects that. I've been through so much and still have such a long road ahead of me with IVF that anything that helps my chances of successful IVF is worth it to me. And it definitely helps me to be healthy for my future baby. If I can learn how to live and eat healthy, I can teach my kids how to live and eat healthy. Which is so important to me because I would never want my kids to have to go through the things I went through growing up, and I especially would not want them to develop Type 2 diabetes or be obese.
So this is what has been going on in my weight loss journey.
Anyway, I went to a nutritionist the other day. My insurance company required me to do this because my husband and I are going to be starting IVF soon. So because of my BMI they required me to go to a Fetal Maternal Medicine specialist and a Nutritionist. I went to a dietician years ago and it was a complete waste of my time so I really wasn't looking forward to this visit. And I definitely would never have gone on my own.
I was definitely pleasantly surprised. The nutritionist, Dr. Hilary Wright (Domar Center in Waltham), never made me feel bad about myself and never said I shouldn't do this that or the other thing. It was all really positive and informative. I have PCOS, which includes insulin resistance, and she wrote a book about having a healthy diet when you have PCOS. In all the doctors I have ever had, not one of them gave me as much info about PCOS as she did. Especially making sure that I eat properly with this condition.
Everything Dr. Wright said to me made so much sense and really clicked in my head. I've been eating a more balanced diet for the past few days and I feel great. I don't feel deprived and I feel like I have so many more options than if I was on one of these fad diets out there. Of course there are things that I need to stay from, and I need to incorporate exercise (which I already do, about 3x a week) but it's probably one of the easiest things I've ever done as far as "dieting" goes. But really, it's not a diet, its a more healthy way to live and eat for life.
One of the things that she said that really convinced about all of this was when she started talking about preparing a good environment for my future baby. How I eat definitely effects that. I've been through so much and still have such a long road ahead of me with IVF that anything that helps my chances of successful IVF is worth it to me. And it definitely helps me to be healthy for my future baby. If I can learn how to live and eat healthy, I can teach my kids how to live and eat healthy. Which is so important to me because I would never want my kids to have to go through the things I went through growing up, and I especially would not want them to develop Type 2 diabetes or be obese.
So this is what has been going on in my weight loss journey.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
My Weight Loss Journey: Jinx
I'm so scared to talk about the "good times" because I'm afraid to jinx myself, but on the other hand I don't want to be a downer every time I write either. It's hard to focus on the positive when there's a lot of negative things happening around me but there really are lots of positives in my life. But today is day 3 of being back on the wagon and I feel really good, the carbo bloat is gone, thank GOD for that. Craig and I joined the gym yesterday. It's just too hot to do anything outside in the summer. I prefer to be outside but its too much right now. I've lost a couple of pounds in the fast few days and I hope that I can continue to see the scale going down. I really want to lose 30 pounds by December. That's when Craig and I are going to England and I really want to just look good and feel good about myself.
My first day at the gym was interesting. I was really encouraged because I am in some kind of shape, I can run on the tread mill, and I'm not just dying. I have a realistic goal of going to the gym twice a week and doing the Wii Fit on the days I don't go. I really love my Wii Fit so now that I'm motivated, I don't think I'll have a hard time getting back into it.
Short and sweet today :)
My first day at the gym was interesting. I was really encouraged because I am in some kind of shape, I can run on the tread mill, and I'm not just dying. I have a realistic goal of going to the gym twice a week and doing the Wii Fit on the days I don't go. I really love my Wii Fit so now that I'm motivated, I don't think I'll have a hard time getting back into it.
Short and sweet today :)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
My Weight Loss Journey: Focus
First I wanted to say that the reason I name every post "My Weight Loss Journey" is because I feel like that's my life. Everyday is a journey and a struggle with my weight. Second, I wanted to thank everyone for your prayers for my surgery. I survived lol Like any surgery it was really scary but I have an amazing husband who kept me distracted for 2 hours while I was waiting to be taken to the OR. I have amazing friends who prayed for me and I definitely felt those prayers. I also have an amazing faithful God who guided the surgeon, the nurses, the anesthesiologist (who was the most important to me lol) and everyone involved. Now, I just have to wait for my post-op appointment where I will get the results from pathology. There were more polyps than the doctor originally thought, I'm not sure what that means yet but I'm just trying to be patient.
I'm trying to get my focus back. I know that the next few months are going to be really emotional so I need to decide that I am going to continue with my weight loss, being careful with what I eat, even though I know I will want to eat whatever I want. Its hard to explain this to people who don't struggle with their weight, or maybe they do and they don't have the same tendencies but like I said in my last post, I comfort eat so I'm going to have to learn to use something else to comfort myself. Because I'm a Christian and a lot of my friend's are as well, I know it's easy to say that God is the Great Comforter and that I can turn to Him but knowing that and putting that into practice is totally different. Overeating is not just overeating, there's always something behind it. It's not like one can just stop. If that were the case people wouldn't be over weight. I know I'm over weight because I over eat and I choose to eat the wrong things. So I wish it were that easy to say I trust in God to not make me over eat today, I have to work hard at it everyday, and that's why people fail because it is HARD, its the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and when I see commercials say "Do this, use our system, its easy to lose weight with us" I want to reach through the TV and strangle them because its lies to make money and when people fail they get even more discouraged because they believe it's supposed to be easy like the man on TV said. ITS NOT! Anyway, I'm rambling now. I'm getting my focus back and believe me, I do trust in God or I wouldn't even be here today. I've never been so happy or felt so blessed in my life, even with all the strife going on around me. God has given me an amazing partner who supports me, we support each other, and we love each other and we're both determined to see each other through these hard times. I know my Savior lives.
I'm trying to get my focus back. I know that the next few months are going to be really emotional so I need to decide that I am going to continue with my weight loss, being careful with what I eat, even though I know I will want to eat whatever I want. Its hard to explain this to people who don't struggle with their weight, or maybe they do and they don't have the same tendencies but like I said in my last post, I comfort eat so I'm going to have to learn to use something else to comfort myself. Because I'm a Christian and a lot of my friend's are as well, I know it's easy to say that God is the Great Comforter and that I can turn to Him but knowing that and putting that into practice is totally different. Overeating is not just overeating, there's always something behind it. It's not like one can just stop. If that were the case people wouldn't be over weight. I know I'm over weight because I over eat and I choose to eat the wrong things. So I wish it were that easy to say I trust in God to not make me over eat today, I have to work hard at it everyday, and that's why people fail because it is HARD, its the hardest thing I've ever done in my life and when I see commercials say "Do this, use our system, its easy to lose weight with us" I want to reach through the TV and strangle them because its lies to make money and when people fail they get even more discouraged because they believe it's supposed to be easy like the man on TV said. ITS NOT! Anyway, I'm rambling now. I'm getting my focus back and believe me, I do trust in God or I wouldn't even be here today. I've never been so happy or felt so blessed in my life, even with all the strife going on around me. God has given me an amazing partner who supports me, we support each other, and we love each other and we're both determined to see each other through these hard times. I know my Savior lives.
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